Christmas Thoughts

The wind has changed direction and I am able to take my twilight hour outside, the subtle glistening lights of christmas add a magic to the air. I used to love Christmas but not anymore, I miss my family miles away, my special sister on the other side of the world. My grand daughter lost through seperation, my sons whose lives have been hard this year, and others of my family. I miss the days long ago when Christmas was about visiting and being a family, grandparents and the one carefully wrapped present laying under the tree. One for each person..valuable and with love. When I spend my Christmas here with my partners family, I see the closeness of a family united in every way, but this I do not miss, as you can not miss what you haven´t had. I dislike the way a kind of greed has entered such a special time, the most expensive means the most love??? No I don´t think so, somewhere we have got it wrong, and our children will not understand the true value of this special time. Life changes every day, perhaps we are all responsible...and where eventually will it lead us to? To all my family close and distant I love you all.

And for those people in the world without shelter and food, I pray for you.

Let´s hope that some form of sanity touches these places and the world in 2007.

Happy Christmas to All and PEACE on earth.

nativity

My twilight hour once more begins on the terrace, i am wrapped in a shawl to protect me from the wind. I was attempting to find some form of christmas spirit so I built a nativity scene to place in the garden with candles lights around and palm trees. It looked lovely but the place where it stood is now empty.

Four days of unexpected high winds and rain, blew it all away. Having retrieved most of it, it lays on the terrace floor in a state of disrepair, a sodden mess and i think irepairable...

Ah!!!but i had the pleasure of building it, local children enjoyed looking at it. I have a photo so now it is just a memory.

And I am reminded that everything in life is temporary.

Change

When the pain subsides so my thoughts of my twilight hour assemble. I have had a reasonable 48hrs. Not only is it too cold for me to spend my twilight hour on the terrace, but we also have heavy rain, a gift much needed here to put some green back into an otherwise scorched landscape.

So I sit and watch from the window, and its so lovely to hear the rain beating down on the roof, and I wonder why we take so much for granted in life, and when things change it comes as quite a shock. Someone I once knew boasted of his wealth and that he would never work after the age of 40....a year later he went into bankruptcy, an enormous shock to him, he had taken it for granted that he would always be successful....

I never thought I would become so ill, after all my mad times when I was young....maybe I am paying for it now.

We can´t always believe that maybe someone will love us for ever, because maybe they wont....and if we take things for granted the greater the possibility in things going wrong. Enjoy what you have for today, for tomorrow it could all change.

scatterings

When sundown pales the the sky,

I want to hide a while behind your smile,

to help me put all my blues behind.(Donovan)

These days have passed and I am not able to sit and ponder in my twilight hour. For my body is so wracked with pain and my thoughts have become like a vast fog forming over the sea...unclear, unreal. Whilst I see the movement of the sea, I am unable to feel it.....whilst I feel the words within me, I am not able to offer them.

My thoughts are scattered like autumn leaves in a wind, unable to be collected together..and those who know intense pain...will understand the temporary closure of the soul.