A Learning curve

Its been sometime since taking time for my twilight thoughts, I am recovering from a further operation, this time the shoulder...next the other. I am working hard at being auto sufficient, and sometimes I have to laugh at myself as I attempt to hang out the washing , or chop vegetables with one arm strapped to my side, moveable only from the wrist, gracias I can use my computer. I believe that I am lucky, with all my joints and bone problems I can lead a relatively normal life, others cant, I appreciate everything more with each breaking day, Ok maybe I walk alittle like Charlie Chaplin(only a little) but I am still the same person inside, only that I am more sensitive to all things. I can´t run, play tennis, sit on the beach/floor..but I can paint , write, laugh and sing, No it´s not all highs, there are lows and I have learnt to deal with them, in fact I have learnt a lot and have valued things far more this last 3 years...but do we need to become ill to really appreciate life? I think not.

Graffiti Elephant

Twilight thought for today, our possesions do not bring peace into out lives.....true, for me memories create far more peace for me, I love the 67-70`s era. The spirit of that time was so good, a lot of my work is influenced by that period. Graffiti elephant is part of my late 60´s work. Graffiti works well in the right places.

Begin

This has been posted for a reason, it is not something I would normally want people to see, but it is part of a project called Begin, and I felt this was apt. Both .hips fractured, reasons unknown......new hips and 4 operations later...I am able to walk..a little unsteady..but I walk. People look at me and say "You don´t look like your ill, why do you need a crutch?" I get fed up with it and would love to show them this, I had to begin to learn the things I could do and will never do again, to adapt to the pain. The operations on the right hip have not been that successful. So people out there appearances can be deceptive, and when you see me soon with my arm strapped up, remember this photo. I can sympathise with Dr House in every way. Happy New Year.

A New Year Begins

Yes you who must leave everything

That you cannot control

It begins with your family

But soon comes round to your soul. (Leonard Cohen)

The first morning of a new year and my twilight hour is taken now waiting for the sun to break on a new day, a new year. I wonder what it will bring for most of us, if it began badly will it continue to do so or if it began well will we have a year of goodness. It´s sad if a year begins badly, although we sometimes have the power to change it, at times it´s impossible or irreversible, and then we have to decide where to go from there. So if your new year began badly, I hope you will find a resolution and those who had a good new year, treasure it.

Christmas Thoughts

The wind has changed direction and I am able to take my twilight hour outside, the subtle glistening lights of christmas add a magic to the air. I used to love Christmas but not anymore, I miss my family miles away, my special sister on the other side of the world. My grand daughter lost through seperation, my sons whose lives have been hard this year, and others of my family. I miss the days long ago when Christmas was about visiting and being a family, grandparents and the one carefully wrapped present laying under the tree. One for each person..valuable and with love. When I spend my Christmas here with my partners family, I see the closeness of a family united in every way, but this I do not miss, as you can not miss what you haven´t had. I dislike the way a kind of greed has entered such a special time, the most expensive means the most love??? No I don´t think so, somewhere we have got it wrong, and our children will not understand the true value of this special time. Life changes every day, perhaps we are all responsible...and where eventually will it lead us to? To all my family close and distant I love you all.

And for those people in the world without shelter and food, I pray for you.

Let´s hope that some form of sanity touches these places and the world in 2007.

Happy Christmas to All and PEACE on earth.

nativity

My twilight hour once more begins on the terrace, i am wrapped in a shawl to protect me from the wind. I was attempting to find some form of christmas spirit so I built a nativity scene to place in the garden with candles lights around and palm trees. It looked lovely but the place where it stood is now empty.

Four days of unexpected high winds and rain, blew it all away. Having retrieved most of it, it lays on the terrace floor in a state of disrepair, a sodden mess and i think irepairable...

Ah!!!but i had the pleasure of building it, local children enjoyed looking at it. I have a photo so now it is just a memory.

And I am reminded that everything in life is temporary.

Change

When the pain subsides so my thoughts of my twilight hour assemble. I have had a reasonable 48hrs. Not only is it too cold for me to spend my twilight hour on the terrace, but we also have heavy rain, a gift much needed here to put some green back into an otherwise scorched landscape.

So I sit and watch from the window, and its so lovely to hear the rain beating down on the roof, and I wonder why we take so much for granted in life, and when things change it comes as quite a shock. Someone I once knew boasted of his wealth and that he would never work after the age of 40....a year later he went into bankruptcy, an enormous shock to him, he had taken it for granted that he would always be successful....

I never thought I would become so ill, after all my mad times when I was young....maybe I am paying for it now.

We can´t always believe that maybe someone will love us for ever, because maybe they wont....and if we take things for granted the greater the possibility in things going wrong. Enjoy what you have for today, for tomorrow it could all change.

scatterings

When sundown pales the the sky,

I want to hide a while behind your smile,

to help me put all my blues behind.(Donovan)

These days have passed and I am not able to sit and ponder in my twilight hour. For my body is so wracked with pain and my thoughts have become like a vast fog forming over the sea...unclear, unreal. Whilst I see the movement of the sea, I am unable to feel it.....whilst I feel the words within me, I am not able to offer them.

My thoughts are scattered like autumn leaves in a wind, unable to be collected together..and those who know intense pain...will understand the temporary closure of the soul.

catch the wind

The twilight thoughts of these past days have blown away with the wind, in search of answers. There will be more thoughts to follow in a few days.

Dream power

My twilight hour reflects the power of dreams, I am one person who dreams intensly and usually, not always.. remember every specific detail on waking. If I dont record those details in the first hour of waking they start to fade. I´ve used my dreams for all different kinds of creative projects, but yesterday I had the most vivid dream that ran like a short film, it vaguely touched on things tucked away in my subconscious, but was far more creativeand visual. It haunted me all day until finally I sat down at my lap top and recorded it, it flowed like a short story without ceasing.

It amazed me that dreams can be so inspirational or maybe the story of someone passed on? Where perception and the unconscious mind is concerned no one knows.???

Royal Mail Correos Aussie Post

I,m sitting here in my twilight hour wondering why people don´t write letters anymore.So personal, caring and romantic...such wonderful choices of paper and sweet smelling envelopes. What a pleasure they were to behold lying on the mat in the morning.

But I have finally discovered why, and it´s not because technology has run ahead and the birth of email and blogs, but.......The Postal Service....its appears most countries seem to have problems.

One month ago nearly it was my birthday, My darling sis in Oz is always on the ball posting months ahead,a little exagerrated but always in time, my brother and my mother in the UK both sent birthday cards.....they were all lovely apparently. But they have never arrived...most things do...what I want to know is...........

POSTAL SERVICES SPAIN; AUSTRALIA AND UNITED KINGDOM (1 point) ....where are my birthday cards and my surprise!!!! It really feels like when you lose your suitcase, everyday I wait for the post...what if.. Its like watching the empty luggage belt go round (Thanks Spanair)´

So to the postal services of the above countries...... thanks a bunch for a happy birthday.!!

And this isn´t the first time

I have 2 huge hungry german shepherds just daring you to turn up tomorrow.

change

This post may be moving in the next days please keep watching for the new direction, due to problems caused by plaigerism.

Gothic

Here on my terrace my thoughts are in the past,
I remember the gothic era although it never truly went away. I loved the drama of the black and purple gowns, it was an era that was a little romantic. I had many friends who were "goths"in London, the clubs were something to behold.

This is a digital print based on an acrylic painting I once did.

The easal still stands empty.

Change

Shadows falling across the terrace floor, accompanied by long fingers of light, thrown out by the candlelight. I am waiting for a call, a call that hasn´t come, leaving me in suspense.
There is more wind tonight, more than normal...as the weather changes with the year. There´s an empty easle on my terrace, the wind won´t allow me to paint. The sea is inquiet, and the moon, full and pale hides behind a mist. Soon I will reach for something to keep me warm, as I sit here with my thoughts in the silence.

Autumn

The evening skies darken much earlier now, as autumn, arrives, but I never see it changing. No golden leaves to crunch on, or shuffle as you walk along. No patterns of early frost on the window panes, only the remains of the sand blown over from the sahara. The evenings are chilling a little , with humidity in the night, but the days remain hot.

No arrival of autumn,...... we do not have many trees., but I carry images of those autumn days in my memory.

Pain

Haven´t been on my terrace recently as illness wracked my body with pain, it was not easy to sit and think.My friend told me I looked very sad...and I tried to laugh it off, giving the ex cuse, birthday blues and one year older. I try hard not to allow things to affect others and continue in a positive mode, but there is nothing like pain to bring you down to earth with a big bang. No one can understand intense pain unless they have suffered it. After 3 years my pain threshold is high so for me to take to my sofa and not surf my beloved internet amongst other things....it was bad. So for all you people out there in pain, I feel for you.

Angel

I had a discussion about angels and whether they really exist...who can say.

My own opinion is yes they exist, and that we only see them when they want us to, but we can feel their presence, beside us..behind us...where ever . someone showed me this photo taken of an angel, it´s an old photo. I´m not sure I believe it´s real, but I do believe in angels., not so sure about the fluffy wings and harps...but then again in history all the old master paintings show the typical angel, someone must have seen one to know what they looked like. Personally I prefer to think of them like Nicholas Cage in City of Angels. This was my twilight thought for today.

Confession

I had been thinking about the saying ´Confession is good for the soul´ My only confessions in my life have been in my prayers and to one extremely wonderful friend. I am however ever more aware that since becoming ill and the severity of the operations I ´ve had recently (with more to come) I have a need to pour out my heart , for good or bad.
A cleansing of the soul, and I am not alone in this respect..I have known many people do the same, its a sensation that comes from within, and develops into a powerful need.
I visited a spiritual sanctuary recently and I cleansed my soul with a vengeance, (although that wasn´t why I was there). It was the most powerful and enlightening thing I have ever experienced, so the saying is right...confession is good for the soul.

Home

Here I am once more back on my terrace in the warmth of the evening...how I;ve missed it. Just sitting in peace alone with my thoughts and memories. Travelling has taken it´s toll on my health but soon I will recouperate the energies I lost, I met some interesting people and heard sad tales, visited long lost friends and laughed. I smiled with the people and entered the cathedral to offer a prayer for all I knew, and lit a few candles for dear ones lost. But now I´m back and will be offering more of my twilight thoughts. Those who have stayed with me ...thankyou

Small Things

In my travels I have offered friends and family a kiss, a chocolate, a hug, a smile, a flower and a word.

To present a person with one of these things is to offer them a precious gift. Money can´t buy love or happiness, the simple things can create great joy.

The next time someone offers you something small and beautiful, accept it with an open heart...see it for its real value....LOVE

Palasandra returns to her terrace on Thursday.